As black women we've been taught this code of ethics surrounding sex -- one that determines how much of a lady you are based on how much push against the norms of black sexuality. So much of our lives as black girls are spent drowning in bullsh*t -- being told that only white girls give head and ladies don't discuss their sex lives, that we maintain these unhealthy views -- even as grown ass women.
I've heard so many black women saying what they won't do when it comes to sex and some of the time it's just a personal preference (which is perfectly fine), but a lot of the time it's about society raining on the damn parade -- telling black women the dos and donts of sex -- when in reality the only major do is to protect yourself. If you only ever do what's truly in your comfort zone and keep the communication open when you feel something is out of that zone, then you'll be good to go.
That said, here are 6 things that a lot of black women won't try or feel too ashamed to try, due to society -- but should most definitely be doing or at least considered if that's what the hell you really want to do.
1. Discuss Sex
You probably guessed that this would be the first, but whatevs -- it's so necessary. If we didn't make our sex lives out to be some unspoken act, we wouldn't feel the need to pretend we don't or don't have a desire to perform other sexual acts. There's something about knowing you aren't alone. I fee it every day when millions of people post memes..we all want to feel as if we aren't crazy and hearing others say they're down — for better or worse diminishes the shame.
There's literally NO reason not to be f*cking yourself. It's healthy, sooo healthy (in moderation, of course). One largely looked over health benefit being that it helps you learn your body and allows you to be more aware of what it is that pleases you.
3. Give Head
This has been by far the one that I've heard most often, for many years we're convinced that this is something that only white women do and that's just not the case. In fact, if and when you choose to provide oral sex for your partner you'll find that it's not gross but actually one of the most arousing, pleasing things that you can do ... for you.
4. Swallowing Cum
When I do meet other black girls who are a little more forward thinking and do give head -- I find that we still whisper and giggle about swallowing cum as if we're 12. Now, by no means is swallowing cum for everyone and as with anything on this list -- it should only be done if you feel comfortable doing so -- but it's not gross. And, we have to stop perpetuating the lie that it is. I've had some partners who I enjoy doing it with and some that I simply don't and therefore won't, but it differs from person to person.
5. Anal Sex
If you wanna try it, then by all means you should! There's nothing worse than someone who just follows the rest of the bandwagon when it comes to her sex life. This is the one area of your life you owe it to yourself to grab by the balls and take charge. If you have concerns talk to your doctor about it and make an informed decision. But don't let society tell you there's something wrong with the back door.
6. Butt Play ... for Your Man.
Okay. Okay. So admittedly I'm guilty of this one too but we've got to get past it ladies. A little finger action never hurt nobody, not to mention the g-spot doesn't discriminate -- just like us, men get a lot of their pleasure form the g-spot -- which happens to be located in his butt. If you've got one there, then so does he. Of course, you'll need to be on the same page as bae before thrusting a thumb up his asshole.
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